Lightning's Flower

Striking Down Breast Cancer Through Awareness

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Still Changing

I have been feeling in a mode of change.  I am sure everyone has, as that is usually the product of the new year.  We all take on a “I’m making some changes!”  mantra.  I am usually one of those who dives into at least 10 new things with excessive fervor.  My husband warns me every year to pace myself and to take baby steps.  I listen, I truly do, but I don’t know if I can honestly say I heed his advice.  So here we are at the beginning of 2014.  In We Need Some Order Around Here, I mentioned I needed to organize it all, still haven’t done that other than taking over a notebook of my mom’s, which has 6 different color sections and she wrote on the first few pages of each section.  I guess my confusing method of order comes naturally.  Anyways, I proceed to use the notebook for project planning, but her notes are spread through as well as the scribble here and there of my daughter, who is quite a writer in the making.  I’m convinced she will be the new “Faulkner” the literary minds think of, with William taking a back seat. 

Anyhow, I have been looking through a lot of photos and noticing some of my mom’s changes.  I think photos make it a bit more noticeable since she was staying with us, I couldn’t tell from the day to day.  Nevertheless, it makes me think of how we tend to go through life and not always notice the little changes and ask the simple questions.  My aunt recently passed away, and though she was a Libra like my mom, they were very different types of Libra’s.  But they both were very giving people.  My method of mourning and missing people has changed.  I don’t feel so sad that they are gone, I rather think of the memories I have.  In fact, I remember a lot of things that just sit dormant.  Like the last time I called my aunt at work, which I can’t remember when I had before then it had been so long.  I called to talk to her about something and wanted to talk to my mom, but couldn’t so I thought to call her.  She wasn’t at work, so I called at home and talked to her and my grandmother.  I don’t even remember if it was about what I was thinking about, but it was nice to just chit chat. 

My husband has taken a few videos on his IPhone in slow motion.  It is very weird to see life moving slowing, almost like a movie.  It is also a clear reminder that time does not move so slowing.  So with the new year, think of how you can change to live and celebrate life and those around you.  Sit and notice with intention, and make it a habit.   Time moves too fast not to.

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My Best Year Yet

My dad got me a book some years back called Your Best Year Yet. I used it for about two and a half years. The half because I did it a bit too quickly , not so reflective. Well he gave it to me last year. He knew the year had been difficult even prior to Mommy passing. Adding that was enough to push anyone over the edge. But the year also had a lot of positives in it that shouldn’t be forgotten, most importantly finding out we had a new angel on the way. Well I planned to review the ten step process of evaluating the year, but time got away. Well at least consciously, subconsciously I think I just didn’t want to reflect. Reflecting is hard and often painful work.

Well, this year I am up for the challenge. I got the book out so I could reflect and challenge myself. I know I had a lot of goals for the year. My husband always writes 3 goals for every family member and we look at them the end of the year. I was not satisfied with my progress on mine, but I do think I had a productive year. So I will sit and reflect.

How has your year been. Any method that works is great, but in order to get better we have to think about what we have done well, but just as important, if not more, we must think about what we did not do so well. Whether it was a failure or an area needing improvement, we need to reflect in order to grow. It also helps clear baggage. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, but my mom felt her cancer was in part a manifestation of holding things in.

I challenge you to reflect on your year, plan the next year, and release some of your baggage in the process.